Desire is ego, in strict esoteric language. However, longing to do God’s will is entirely positive and conscious.
The Gnostic places all of his longings in the hand of his Innermost. -Samael Aun Weor
If you have the means to practice extensively and meditate like you are doing now, consider that a gift, since many so called Gnostics would like to ditch work and simply dedicate themselves to such a lifestyle!
However, such dharma doesn’t always last, so we need a vocation to earn not only dharma, but our daily bread.
It is normal to struggle finding one’s place under the sun. You have a wonderful opportunity to meditate and discover that vocation for yourself, so that when the time comes, you are ready to act!
Watch and pray. So long as you are doing your spiritual work, God will provide everything else. Be patient, therefore, to possess your souls!