Sunday, 05 August 2018
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I read Master Samael said that love leaves heart, it is like a child, it rarely comes back.
That is the case in my life.
I had a huge love in my heart. Particularly for a person, to a point that it guided me, that love transformed me. Even though I could not be with that woman, I still would transform myself everyday. I could meditate on my egos, astral project. I was close to Minor Mysteries.
But it started to fade. I met a girl, left that path. Left my transformation for my twin soul (I think that first love was my twin soul). I entered routine of common folk life. My love faded even more. I got divorce. Now love in heart is entirely gone.
I just couple of days ago remembered that I had such a thing in my heart when I dreamed my first love. Than I checked her social page and she looked exactly same in physical life as I saw her in dreams. It seems she tries to guide me.
But unfortunately. I feel nothing for no one. I feel empty. I can't return love to my heart. I keep devolving, degrading.
I can't stop that.
I don't even know why I write here.
Maybe someone could give me some idea.
Because I can't stop this degradation process. I am just so empty. Hopeless. Nihilistic.
5 years ago
Do not look to terrestrial women for comfort. You will not find it there. The comfort and strength you need will come from your Divine Mother. Appeal to her, pray to her, beg her to help you. Yet, for her to do so, you must do your part. You already know what that is.

To help you build strength, I suggest doing these practices every day:
5 years ago
I do not look to terrestrial women anymore. I always had my twin soul meeting me in astral.
But as I said, I already lost all love in my heart. Terrestrial and divine. All of it. It just left me.
By being so empty I just keep devolving, degrading. As there is no love there is no connection to Divine Mother or Divine Father.
I am not human anymore. More like empty shell, a shadow of a human. I just don't know how to return any love to heart. It just ran away. Like a child.
And lost it's way back.
5 years ago
Also I have tried magic of the roses. I have tried a lot of things. Even tried common medicine, procedures. Everything.
And everything failed. Every single medicine. Every single method. Every single method. Everything failed.
It just feels like my Being left me. It just feels like I am lost effort of my Being, left to rot in this empty shell.
Anyway. I guess it is as it is.
5 years ago

"Do not worry; cultivate the habit of being happy." - Samael Aun Weor

5 years ago
I did study the whole book.
You can't just flip over and loose thoughts. Nor you can suddenly read a book or meditate and become mentally healthy again.
Or suddenly feel love.
I just don't know how to explain.
Probably you won't have any idea either.
I guess I just have to wait for something to happen or for the second death as my time runs out.
Thank you for trying to help me to understand things.
There is no use in trying to help me further.
Good luck to you.
5 years ago
I suggested that article because it indicates that when we are identified with a negative thought, we are slaves of it. The tone of your writing seems to reflect a psychological state that is indicative of identification with an ego. In other words, an ego has convinced you that it is hopeless. This is underscored by the fact that unconditioned consciousness never feels despair or hopelessness, only egos can feel that way.

So indeed, if you choose to empower that ego, then truly no one can help you, and you will only continue in misery: by choice. But that is not your only option. You are CHOOSING to listen to the thoughts and feelings of that ego. Thus, you can also choose not to listen to it. You can choose to go on, to live your life in a better way.

Let me also explain that the notion of a "soul mate" is not what you think it is. You do not have "one soul mate." That is a new age invention and is nonsense.

In addition, that statement about love was not understood; he was pointing out that when the bad behavior of a couple has spoiled their love (through adultery, lust, anger, etc), that love is unlikely to return and divorce is the outcome. That does not mean you have once chance at love, or that your capacity for love is gone.

You certainly can improve your life, and you can love again, and you can be happy, but first you have to let go of the past and your negative way of thinking.

"Do not worry; cultivate the habit of being happy." - Samael Aun Weor

5 years ago
You did clarify some things to me.
Maybe that is why I wrote.
You see that love I had was for my first love. The women I used to dream in my teens and later on met. But breaking up with her. But that break up en flamed me.
I felt immense love, found these teachings and had a mission to become better than I was. So after years I almost got first grade, The Minor Mystery (I believe my Being actually re-acquired it). How can be one be forgiven for screwing up some moths later after his Being achieved something?
But something happened. My love, for that girl, for humanity, for my Being started to fade. I felt all alone, I felt like no one. Then I met my ex-wife, which was a terrible mistake.
After years my whole love for anything was gone. Now I feel nothing.
How can be one be forgiven for screwing up some moths later after his Being achieved something?
You see by "soul mate" I meant that my first love was it. But somehow, I feel that it is a reflection of my Valkyrie, my feminine soul.
But. There is huge but. You see in one occasion, many years ago, while meditating, I heard The Voice of The Silence. I was meditating is my first love my partner and if I will ever be with her and the silence told me yes. I knew it deep in my Being. I know for sure. I know. My consciousness was awakened at that moment. But, I still am thinking could awakened consciousness still be mistaken?
That was illuminating void, the voice of the silence. It was couple of seconds, but for couple of years I was dazzled by that incident. I read Master Samael wrote that some masters used to hit by stick, or something like that, their students when they reached that state or else they get sick.
Well, I got sick. By severe bipolar depression. Nothing helps. And when I say nothing, I mean it. I really do. I was on therapy for couple of years. I tried medicine of roses, conjurations, meditation to point I lost ability to meditate, common medicine, transcranial magnetic stimulation, everything I could. I put several professional doctors on their feet. Eventually I got diagnosed with disability. I am only 40% employable. It's like having potato instead heart and cabbage instead head. And everyday I would become further away from my Being.
I feel like you are the person who could actually help me by guiding me. It's like you was in a difficult situation. It's like you know what I mean.
But what else I can do?
Even Beelzebub had love in his soul.
No one can achieve anything without that power of Divine Mother.
But it seems like I had some kind of rupture, separating me from love inside me. And now it's like continent separated into two and going different ways.
I know and you know there is no coincidence in life. Half a week ago or so I dreamed my "first love". In several years for the first time. She looked exactly the same in dream as she looks now in real life. It happened like before. I dreamed her and later on met her. This time of course is different. Something else. But could it be that I should try to reach that connection, put huge effort to try to reach deep meditation again? Could it be that it is energy of love is reaching me from great distance of my soul? Could it be that somehow "first love's" Being is trying to help my Being to reconnect me with my inner depths of psyche?
Like I don't know how to explain that. Probably I could, but not in our language. Probably universal language could explain what I mean, but I do not know that language and probably you don't know it yet too.
I don't know, Alexis, but I think you are somewhat able to understand me.
But I don't think I should bother you with my nonsense.
I remember how people used to think me that I am mad because I used to know what they will say, I used to see future. And I tried immensely to bring these teachings to people to a point I would do that in astral and then meet to talk with people in physical.
I used to feel that I have a mission and ability to retain people memories when I meet them in astral so I could instruct them in physical and I actually did.
But maybe I am just mad after all.
Because everyone I knew left these studies and separated any contact with me.
Anyway, sorry for so long text.
Probably it's just nonsense I wrote, that matters only to my ego.
5 years ago
Only in a state of alert novelty, with a spontaneous mind, without the weight of the past, in a state of complete receptiveness can we really listen to the words [of the teachings] without the intervention of that bad secretary called the “I,” the myself, the ego.

A mind that is conditioned by the memory only repeats what it has stored. A mind, conditioned by the experiences of so many yesterdays, can only see the present through the dirty glasses of the past.

Therefore, if we want to learn how to listen to the word in order to discover the new, then it is urgent to learn how to live from moment to moment without the preoccupations of the past and without the projections of the future. We must live accordingly with the philosophy of momentariness.

"Do not worry; cultivate the habit of being happy." - Samael Aun Weor

5 years ago
I hear you.
Tried that when going to sleep yesterday. Could feel someone reaching to me.
But you know, you did good job helping me.
My mind is a mess, I know.
Good luck!
5 years ago
After wondering for year or so, and reading what Master Samael wrote, I have come to conclusion that spiritual night has come into my life.
I suffer from it for about 3 years (or maybe more).
What should one do to completely eliminate all those symptoms that come with it?
How one should completely overcome it?
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