There has been a phenomena that I've been noticing wherein I will have a relatively good day, there will be a lot of self observation, and I will remember my dreams, and I will become more conscious of my existence. But then, I will go to sleep and then wake up groggy. Where I might have been very alert and more grounded in my pineal gland in the previous day, the next day this will be crushed. It will be very easy to fall into fantasy.
But it is disconcerting and I would like to eliminate it. My main resort is something like mantralization, so I could spend a period in the morning just trying to regain that focus. But an hour is an hour, and my schedule might not always allow for such a recourse, so I would love to know what is causing this sort of phenomena. Conjurations might protect against this, but again it's not enough of an explanation to explain why this is happening.
In conclusion, I can only assume that it is a result of some sort of fornication on the astral plane. But it is not necessarily physical, rather emotional. That is to say that - as far as I can remember - I will be spending some time with an effigy, but as far as I can remember in the dream, the behavior will be confined to periods where we will just spend enjoyable periods together walking about the city and similar activities. But I will be enjoying her beauty, and there will be an emotional component attached. Then when it ends, I will feel sad for a moment because I have felt that I formed a sort of friendship, and it has ended.
From experience, I know that this is often a trap, and that effigy is an agent of my egos of lust, and it will certainly keep pushing for more. But it seems satisfied with the emotional aspect as well.
But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.
This is not a phenomena that is new to me, by any means. Me and my friends used to talk about this in our teenage years. In my circle we used to make fun of a particular friend because he was reminiscing about the girlfriend in his dreams named "Sugarfree". It was amusing at the time, but not so much anymore.
This reminds me of a passage from the chapter "Aries", in The Zodiacal Course
The pineal gland is influenced by Mars and the pituitary gland by Venus. The pituitary produces sleepiness, and the pineal gland incites us to fight; in this manner, while Venus wants to sleep, Mars wants to continue fighting.
This is a massive struggle for me. My intuitive nudges have seemed to always lead back to this very issue.
If one is working to eliminate that emotional aspect of lust, then what is born in it's place?
In the Infrasexual region of Nahemah we find a sweetness that moves the soul: virgins that seduce with the charm of their tenderness, very beautiful seductive women, men who abandon their homes bewitched by the enchantment of these most precious beauties. In this region we also find indescribable beauty, uncontrollable passions, beautiful salons, elegant cabarets, soft beds, delightful dances, orchestras of the abyss, unforgettable romantic words that cannot be forgotten, etc.
So in my eyes, we are seeing an interlinking here: Venus, the pituitary gland, Nahemah, subjective clairvoyance, periods of unconsciousness, etc.
Edit: I did some supplementary re-reading of "The World of Klipoth", particularly the chapter on Venus, and that certainly makes a lot of sense to me. A good part of that chapter was focused on how we serve "Sensation-Willpower" rather than "Willpower-Action". I guess there is no easy way out of this problem, as they say in that chapter, the three headed dog licks the ones who come in, but barks angrily at those who try to get out.
I recognize there is no magic way to avoid that. But would it be fair to say that that is to secret to solving this problem is to endure that so called "barking", the pain that we endure from not indulging in Sensation-Willpower, the pain endured from walking on the path of Willpower-Action?
To put that another way, our entire psychologies are based on Sensation-Willpower, so when we try to do something like extended periods of meditation, we suffer immensely, because we are hungry for sensual impressions.
So is the secret to solving this problem partially in enduring the suffering that comes from detaching from those?
Sometimes I feel like Sisyphus pushing a boulder up the hill, only to watch it fall back down. Sometimes I will go to bed, a bit more satisfied with my practice and then the next day I'll be daydreaming, and the struggle against the daydreaming will be very difficult. I'm going to try and reduce or eliminate my coffee intake as well, that surely isn't helping. But I guess there is a sort of misunderstanding on my end about the nature of fornication. A lot of it must be rooted in Sensation-Willpower itself, so that being said, if one wants to maintain their progress then they certainly need to learn how to exercise Willpower-Action?