My Gnostic brother or sister, I am coming to you for help and console. I was beginning to make steps in my awakening, I had begun transmuting my semen with ham-sah pranayama, imagination and willpower and was feeling real advancement in my awakening. I was beginning to remember myself and understand my lunar impulses as mechanical and robotic, my awareness expanding, my meditations growing in profundity. But today I squandered my essence. I met a woman. I feel ashamed before my Being and my Divine Mother to whom I had been praying fervently. However, I feel it was almost a necessary step, because after this had taken place, I felt myself trapped in my lunar impulses. My awareness and Will felt as though they had seeped out from me. Can I do to get back on track, back where I was? Most importantly, will my Divine Mother forgive my misdeed? I knew what I was doing was evil, but satan, the guardian of the threshold guided my hand. But what about that talk of sins against the body not being forgiven? Is this only once solar bodies have been created? Does ham sa pranayama create these bodies or just feed the consciousness?