Friday, 23 December 2011
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<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman; color: #000000; font-size: small;">I was in two minds about writing this because it is something very personal but my motivation is that maybe it could help at least someone so as to make better choices.</span></p>
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<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman; color: #000000; font-size: small;">I have been into gnosis for about three years now and to be honest it has completely changed my life and consumed me. It was hard at first to change, to kick habits like smoking, drinking, cannabis and other drugs etc but I managed to do it.</span></p>
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<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman; color: #000000; font-size: small;">I took the practices very seriously and managed to achieve a lot of results in comprehending myself and awakening the consciousness. Awakening the consciousness was probably the most beautiful, intense and real experiences I have ever had in my life and it’s probably the biggest inspiration to keep practicing. </span></p>
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<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman; color: #000000; font-size: small;">But although things were going well and everything seemed to be advancing there was still one little friend that wasn’t so easy to get rid of. I am sure you have guessed who that little friend is. Yes, it is lust. What a swine. How it could so easily shatter your pseudo sense of seriousness and commitment and leave you in a sexually entranced fascinated wreck.</span></p>
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<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman; color: #000000; font-size: small;">At times I would feel that I was overcoming it, I was away from the pornography for a while, not looking at girls on the street etc and then just as your raising your flag of conquest, you find yourself trapped again, fascinated.</span></p>
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<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman; color: #000000; font-size: small;">I had read in the lectures the real damages of lust in a spiritual sense and it left a real big impression in the mind but to be honest it hadn’t real sank into my comprehension, into the consciousness. But as we all know when something is left in the intellect it always seems dead and lifeless and has no effect on our spontaneous moment to moment perception.</span></p>
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<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman; color: #000000; font-size: small;">But the story begins around a year ago at the end of September going into October (2010). I was walking down one of the main streets in the city. I was going to a classical music concert so I was trying to keep my eye on the time. I had no watch so I had to ask someone on the street for the time. I noticed a man walking down the street. He was very well dressed and looked about 50 years old (that was with the hair dye). I asked him for the time. It was very clear that he had heard me but nonetheless he decided to ignore me. He didn’t even look me in the eye; he had this look of disgust and hatred that gave out a real sense of hostility.</span></p>
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<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman; color: #000000; font-size: small;">I didn’t think too much about it and didn’t really take it personally but what I understand now is that he was a black magician. And just like magic a few days later my old little friend came banging on my door again, if we want to put it that way and he was banging with a lot more force than usual. He seemed a lot stronger. To cut out the gory details my friend succeeded in getting me to come out and play, so to speak. That is in front of the computer screen. I hate to admit it but this happened around two or three times over a period of a few weeks.</span></p>
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<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman; color: #000000; font-size: small;">At the time I thought ah its not that bad ok I will feel a bit drained for a few days, I wont be able to meditate that well or concentrate but nonetheless how bad can it be, I’ll get over it, right and it will be as if nothing happened. What a FOOL. How wrong I was. When it came to that third time again I thought I that’s not great but you know I will recover and at least I may learn something from all this. But as I went to sleep that night I was proven very wrong. </span></p>
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<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman; color: #000000; font-size: small;">In the internal planes I was in a field with green grass and this person started to chase me and beat me over the back with a bicycle chain. I panicked from this a ran away. He said no we only do this to prepare you for when the white magicians attack. He chased me to an electric chair like thing which I was forced into. There was a group of people all gathering for the ceremony and of course who was leading the ceremony. It was the man who ignored me on the street. Before he started talking a bald man painfully struggled and crawled out of the ground. He seemed to be coming from some inferior dimension but the weight of his actions was pulling him down. Nonetheless he succeeded in arriving and was able to be a witness.</span></p>
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<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman; color: #000000; font-size: small;">The man who ignored me on the street started by saying it is all part of the cycle. Then this black circular clamp came down on my head. Experience finished and I came back to my body. I thought this to be a very weird dream but didn’t understand its implications. But later on yes I did start to understand the implications. I started to see myself in dreams with a black cloak. I started to see myself with horns on my head just like a black magician. Then I realized that that clamp was to separate me from my being.</span></p>
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<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman; color: #000000; font-size: small;">Although this all happened I strangely still had enthusiasm for gnosis and tried to do some practices but of course to no avail. But the most striking aspect of all of this was the sheer psychological suffering that I was going through. I was starting to come into contact with aspects of myself that were to say the least quite scary. I would feel this sheer hatred and anger that was only akin to a ravaging wild beast. I remember I was on the train and there was a man who had his music up to loud. He realized this and he turned round to me to apologize and to have a laugh about it. But I was so angry with him, so full of hatred that when the man turned round to look at me he caught the glance of the evil eye, and just became petrified. He just turned away in shock and didn’t say anything.</span></p>
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<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman; color: #000000; font-size: small;">I suffered in this way for quite a while maybe a few months. When it came to around last December or last January I can’t remember I had the fortune of having another experience in the internal planes. </span></p>
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<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman; color: #000000; font-size: small;">I was outside a big complex and the women were outside. These were symbols of woman who I knew physically who are both divorced (divine mother). I went into the complex. Which was desined like a square (four kingdoms of nature)? It had four points and had a corridor that went round the full complex. I was marching round this complex with a very stern step I came to the fourth point and I noticed a table (inner being) sitting there and I felt this immense sense of hope and joy. As I came to the fourth point I had to go into a final corridor. As I passed by the table the whole complex started to shake. It came into my mind that this is the apocalypse. But because I felt that hope and bond with my being I didn’t care that I was going to die. The whole place was going mad, the walls were shacking and people were running around screaming in an insane frenzy. I started to slump down but I became aware of my body and that it was going to die. So because of this I started to come back into my bed were the physical body was resting. But when this happened I heard this strange noise like a whip whirling round in rapid speed. I was then eclipsed by this real thick darkness but I went right at as if to head butt, to confront it, due to this it then disappeared.</span></p>
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<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman; color: #000000; font-size: small;">I felt confused by this experienced but I eventually fell asleep again. In the internal planes I saw on my floor this big worm like thing spasming out next to my bed shooting out bits of electricity. Then later the man who ignored me on the street dressed in a red robe and a red cap started to attack me with bats. These bats would swoop down and try and bite me but fortunately I managed to get away.</span></p>
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<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman; color: #000000; font-size: small;">Then in a mad desperate frenzy dressed in a red tunic and red cap he took me into a pub/bar. He tried to force to drink some red potion I refused. He took me outside to bar and tried to get me to bow to some weird demonic goddess statue. I swore at him and at the statue which tried to intimidate me but to no avail.</span></p>
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<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman; color: #000000; font-size: small;">But I woke up after this with a real sense of relief because I Knew due to the mans desperation and the experience that I was no longer separated and no longer in his gang. Later on in dreams I no longer wore the black cape or had the horns. I remember the dream very well in which I was leaving the passenger seat of his car.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Struggled and struggled and managed to get free from his grip and walk away. But what living hell, literally, what a living hell. All because I gave into lust.</span></p>
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<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman; color: #000000; font-size: small;">Since then I have struggled intensely and managed to get myself back on my feet and have had a lot of success with the practices. I am a lot more serious now and due to the fact that I have really relentlessly got stuck into lust in meditation I feel real changes in my perception. But this is all very serious stuff I know I have debts from this but the situation could have turned out a lot worse than what it did.</span></p>
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<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman; color: #000000; font-size: small;">I wrote this to highlight that the path to the abyss is very wide and very open. We are normally so asleep that we lack the cognizance of how close we really are to it. We need to take charge of ourselves. This year could very possibly be the last year of this humanity. Who knows what will happen. Lets not lull ourselves into this false idea that because we have these teachings we will be alright. That’s not true. We need there actualization.</span></p>
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<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman; color: #000000; font-size: small;">Humanity looks at sex like an ignorant curious school boy; it sees it as a play thing, a toy for its own amusement. How foolish, how destructive. Gnosis has techniques that are effective in in the war against lust but we need the have the will, the rigor and relentlessness to study, to practice and to actualize them. I can testify that mediation and transformation of impressions has helped me immensely in my own personal war. </span></p>
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<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman; color: #000000; font-size: small;">I have written this to point out how dangerous and how damaging sexual abuse really can be.</span></p>
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<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman; color: #000000; font-size: small;">Also thank you Samael Aun Weor and anyone who has helped spread his teachings especially the two instructors on this site.</span></p>
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<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman; color: #000000; font-size: small;">Thanks</span></p>

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4 years ago
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#15223
Thank you for sharing. Recovering and remembering over here too! :)
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