Wednesday, 03 January 2018
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It has been 7 years since I found Gnosis. 7 years of search and wandering. 7 years of success and misery.
When I found Gnostic Teachings I was happy. I knew it was it. It is my purpose of life. Meditation, practice and transmutation was my basic way of life.
Awakening, journeys of The Astral, first minor mystery.... And poof.. All gone. Like it never happened.
4 years ago I failed. I failed as a Soul. I failed as a Human Being. After that everything started to degrade, day by day.
And now I have no motivation, no destination and no willingness to continue. A little bit of longing. But that is it.
I suffered from severe depression after that severe failure, but recently recovered a bit. But still. It is darkness, emptiness... Deep dark night.
Is it it? Finale of my journey? Is it that my internal Being, my Monad, left me? Is it that my Being does not want anymore to push me for realization of itself? Does it lost desire for mastery? What is it?
This I don't know.
I have left with no vision. I find myself lost, wandered off the path. Covered in dense forest with no light, only dark night with black starry sky representing distant longing and respect for The Masters.
But that is it. Apart that only disappointment in people and all humanity that is left, representing disappointment in myself. Misery and boringness of life and lack of purpose is common colors of my life.
If that is the will of my Being I guess then shall it be like that. Or should I rebel... But what is the meaning of this then?
I don't know.
You may say read, meditate, practice. But... I can't. I simply can not do that. I tried. I tried countless times. I could not do that. It felt like I was forbidden to do that from my Being and I simply failed when I tried. Before I could. After all I did it before, for many incarnations. But now. It simply closed to me.
Is there a way out of this. Or should I just live and wait until my body perishes and my few life circles are exhausted and I fall into the abyss to decay for millions of years?
May the peace be with you,
4 years ago
“Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair. Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again, come, come.” -Jalaluddin Muhammad Rumi

If you feel remorse in your heart, it is because of the voice of conscience, the consciousness longing for light.

People with no possibilities for transformation feel nothing. But when the heart is inflamed with remorse, it is because there are spiritual inquietudes and the impetus of the Being.

Reflect upon your psychological state and the results of your past actions. You must comprehend from experience how wrong action produces suffering. But even more so, you must comprehend how positive action produces happiness. Otherwise you will fall into pessimism.

Comprehending the law of action and consequence helps us to make superior choices and work for the benefit of our soul.

To ignore the law of causality and not perform the actions that will procure your happiness is to vacillate and deepen your suffering.

We develop the consciousness and the heart, little by little, degree by degree. You develop wisdom through comprehending the sources of suffering, meaning: through meditation.

As you implement positive actions and practices in your daily life, and as you see the benefit from them, your heart becomes inspired and inflamed with the beauty of the soul.

“The deeper that (karmic) sorrow carves into your being,
the more joy (Froh, Chokmah, Christ) you can contain.
Is not the (alchemical) cup (of the mind) that holds your (spiritual, sexual) wine the very cup that was burned in the potters oven (through the fire of terrible temptations)?
And is not the lute (with its seven notes, the seven sacred sounds of the spinal medulla, the chakras) that soothes your spirits the very wood (of the tree of knowledge) that was hollowed with knives?” -Khalil Gibran, The Prophet, “On Joy”

Therefore, you have a choice: compound your sufferings through accepting things mechanically, or performing actions that will ensure your happiness and the happiness of others.

To be, or not to be--that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer,
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles (through the spiritual work),
And by opposing end them. -Hamlet, Act III, scene i

For thirty years I sought God. But when I looked carefully I found that in reality God was the seeker and I the sought. -Bayazid al-Bastami

4 years ago
Well I feel very little longing. It is so faint and subtle, but it is there. Somewhere.
But how is it that I lost all connection to my Being, all motivation to move on, all clarity of mind, awareness, awakened state and etc. Everything. I am cut off my path. How is that? When I try to meditate again, I fail. When I try to be aware, I fail. I try to practice - I fail. It was not like that before my fail in minor mysteries. There was difficulties, yes. But no it is unbearable. It feels like I am completely lost, abandoned and forgotten by my inner Being.
Also is there any way in my current state to make contact with Karmic office and negotiate my karma? Or is it not possible at all for me right now?
Thank you.
4 years ago
Who is the “I” speaking and writing here?

It is the ego that says, “I have failed,” “I can’t,” “I am not capable,” etc.

The Essence is an extension of the Being, and only knows how to love, to serve, to transmute, to pray, to awaken.

Reflect upon the contents of the chapters below!
4 years ago
Just to add I have never had defeatist thoughts regarding Gnosis. I always knew I will succeed. And when I failed I lost that feeling of "I will succeed".
Anyway, thank you. That is something.
4 years ago
If you have the sense of right and wrong, then you have a conscience. If you have a conscience, then you are connected to your Being.

Your Being cannot forget you. That is not possible. Water is wet. Fire is hot. The Being IS, and since you are an extension of Being, you ARE. However, you do not realize it. You are identified with an I that cannot experience Being.

Your psychological condition is a self-created cage that limits your perception.

The only way out is to meditate.

In practical life, each time a new problem torments us, we make many useless exertions. We appeal to exertions to solve it; we struggle and suffer, but then, the only thing that we obtain is to commit inanities and to complicate our existence even more.

The disillusioned, the disenchanted ones, those who no longer even want to think, those who were not able to solve a vital problem, find the solution to it when their mind is serene and tranquil, when they have had no hope whatsoever. - The Revolution of the Dialectic

"Do not worry; cultivate the habit of being happy." - Samael Aun Weor

4 years ago
Thank you.
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