Tuesday, 25 April 2017
  4 Replies
  231 Visits
I can't believe I am writing these words. I don't know why I am writing these words. This should be the last place to write these words.

I am 31 years old and have done the unthinkable. After all I know about the Gnostic teachings, and all the books I have studied of Master Samael, I was still stupid enough to go ahead and do this. I gave into the temptation.

I feel that life is over for me now. The Gnostic Spiritual Path is out of reach for me now, for I am unworthy of it.

I don't feel worthy enough to see, to hear, to move, to eat or even breath air.

I don't feel worthy enough to love or to be loved anymore, by anyone.

I want to simply be wiped out of existence now, for I know even suicide will not save me from my miserable existence.

After being a virgin for more than 31 years and suffering increased temptation in the last ten, and even more increased temptation in the last three, I went and did an act that I regret, that I find shameful, abominable, despicable, something only the low-life scum of this world would do. If only I could turn back time and prayed more ardently to rid me of the temptation I was feeling. If only I could go back and knock some sense into myself, what I would give now to exchange the shame for the temptation. It would be better to suffer the torments of temptation forever, than to live a single second of this shame that I am feeling now. I feel like I can't be happy ever again.

I paid money to an escort agent to sleep with me.
5 years ago
·
#14111
Accepted Answer
“Return, return!
Whoever you are, return!
Religious, infidel, heretic or pagan.
Even if you promised a hundred times
And a hundred times you broke your promise,
This door [of tawbah: repentance] is not the door
Of hopelessness and frustration.
This door [of tawbah: repentance] is open for everybody.
Return, return as you are!”
-Sufi Poem often recited by Turkish Mevlevis, the "Whirling Dervishes"

For thirty years I sought God. But when I looked carefully I found that in reality God was the seeker and I the sought. -Bayazid al-Bastami

5 years ago
·
#14111
Accepted Answer
“Return, return!
Whoever you are, return!
Religious, infidel, heretic or pagan.
Even if you promised a hundred times
And a hundred times you broke your promise,
This door [of tawbah: repentance] is not the door
Of hopelessness and frustration.
This door [of tawbah: repentance] is open for everybody.
Return, return as you are!”
-Sufi Poem often recited by Turkish Mevlevis, the "Whirling Dervishes"

For thirty years I sought God. But when I looked carefully I found that in reality God was the seeker and I the sought. -Bayazid al-Bastami

5 years ago
·
#14112
I keep thinking of what I have done. How it was actually unnecessary for me to do such a thing and how I could have been feeling peaceful had I not given into the temptation.

I also feel like I don't like who I am anymore. That I have become like the rest of the people on this planet and especially the much abhorred sinful person that nobody respects.

I also fear for that which I do not see. I fear what awaits me in the future. I fear what karma I have brought upon myself. I fear I am not the same and that I now have the egos of others within me forever.

I feel dirty and want to cleanse myself.

I fear shame for I have dishonored by Being.

How do I atone for this sin? How do I break away any metaphysical connection the sinful act may have created between myself and this individual? How do I clean myself of others egos?
5 years ago
·
#14113
Typo, please correct "dishonored my Being"
5 years ago
·
#14121
Perform the three factors for the revolution of the consciousness:

1) Give birth to the soul: transmute your energies
2) Comprehend and eliminate defects in meditation
3) Perform selfless service for others.
According to the lexicons, tawbah (repentance) means "to return." Taba, aba, and anaba all have one meaning, which is "to return." Thaba is similar; people say, "The milk returned (thaba) to the udder." Outward repentance is the return from blameworthy actions to praiseworthy ones and from foul words to righteous ones. Inner repentance, with which the Sufi folk are concerned, is to turn away from all things and toward God, mighty and glorious. Repentance is not valid without three things: remorse for sin, abstention from it, and the resolution to not return to it. When one of these conditions is not met, repentance is not valid. This is the rule for repentance for sin between the servant and his Lord...

Ibn Mas'ud, may God be pleased with him, related that the Prophet, God bless and cherish him, said, "The one who turns from sin is like one who never sinned." -A'ishah al-Ba'uniyyah, The Principles of Sufism

For thirty years I sought God. But when I looked carefully I found that in reality God was the seeker and I the sought. -Bayazid al-Bastami

  • Page :
  • 1
There are no replies made for this post yet.