I'm a lost soul that has done damage.
As a kid, I grew up with a single mother. My parents divorced when I was around 1 years old. I would then see my dad here and there but he wasn't really a part of my life, he speaks mostly Spanish so it was hard for us to communicate. I haven't seen him for maybe 5-6 years now, but there was also years gaps - where I didn't see him before.
During my elementary years, I guess I wanted my parents back together, and I sort of felt abandoned. Video games were a escape from life. This led all the way to high school. It got to the point where I didn't really care about school, I would play for over 16+ years a day, sometimes all day, I hardly ate, so I was really skinny. Obviously, with that much time spent playing I got really good in competitive games that involved teamwork. I was in teams, and I felt I was apart of something. Due to this much playing and neglecting school, I had to go to a continuation school to get my high school diploma.
I should also mention, at around 10-11 years old, I learned about porn from a friend at school. We were using the computers for class and he showed me images of women and afterwards I would find them myself when I was alone. There were times where I was spill 5+ times and watch porn for hours.
At 19, I realized I had a problem. I have been struggling with porn for about 2 years now. I'm 21 now. My longest streak was 28 days without porn/spilling. I just ended a 10 day streak last night. The urges are just to strong to control.
A part of me wants to have sex, I haven't had sex for 3 years now. I know many women that will have sex with me but if I read correctly, we must be married ... I don't want to get married so does that mean I can't have sex?
Also, a part of me wants to know if this is all true but then other part of wonders what if this is all false and it doesn't matter. I don't mean any disrespect, I'm here to learn but I wonder- if there's people out there having casual sex, orgies, etc as I'm writing this and others that are smoking weed, and who are happy - what's wrong with that?