I'm a lost soul that has done damage.
As a kid, I grew up with a single mother. My parents divorced when I was around 1 years old. I would then see my dad here and there but he wasn't really a part of my life, he speaks mostly Spanish so it was hard for us to communicate. I haven't seen him for maybe 5-6 years now, but there was also years gaps - where I didn't see him before.
During my elementary years, I guess I wanted my parents back together, and I sort of felt abandoned. Video games were a escape from life. This led all the way to high school. It got to the point where I didn't really care about school, I would play for over 16+ years a day, sometimes all day, I hardly ate, so I was really skinny. Obviously, with that much time spent playing I got really good in competitive games that involved teamwork. I was in teams, and I felt I was apart of something. Due to this much playing and neglecting school, I had to go to a continuation school to get my high school diploma.
I should also mention, at around 10-11 years old, I learned about porn from a friend at school. We were using the computers for class and he showed me images of women and afterwards I would find them myself when I was alone. There were times where I was spill 5+ times and watch porn for hours.
At 19, I realized I had a problem. I have been struggling with porn for about 2 years now. I'm 21 now. My longest streak was 28 days without porn/spilling. I just ended a 10 day streak last night. The urges are just to strong to control.
A part of me wants to have sex, I haven't had sex for 3 years now. I know many women that will have sex with me but if I read correctly, we must be married ... I don't want to get married so does that mean I can't have sex?
Also, a part of me wants to know if this is all true but then other part of wonders what if this is all false and it doesn't matter. I don't mean any disrespect, I'm here to learn but I wonder- if there's people out there having casual sex, orgies, etc as I'm writing this and others that are smoking weed, and who are happy - what's wrong with that?
As a kid, I grew up with a single mother. My parents divorced when I was around 1 years old. I would then see my dad here and there but he wasn't really a part of my life, he speaks mostly Spanish so it was hard for us to communicate. I haven't seen him for maybe 5-6 years now, but there was also years gaps - where I didn't see him before.
During my elementary years, I guess I wanted my parents back together, and I sort of felt abandoned. Video games were a escape from life. This led all the way to high school. It got to the point where I didn't really care about school, I would play for over 16+ years a day, sometimes all day, I hardly ate, so I was really skinny. Obviously, with that much time spent playing I got really good in competitive games that involved teamwork. I was in teams, and I felt I was apart of something. Due to this much playing and neglecting school, I had to go to a continuation school to get my high school diploma.
I should also mention, at around 10-11 years old, I learned about porn from a friend at school. We were using the computers for class and he showed me images of women and afterwards I would find them myself when I was alone. There were times where I was spill 5+ times and watch porn for hours.
At 19, I realized I had a problem. I have been struggling with porn for about 2 years now. I'm 21 now. My longest streak was 28 days without porn/spilling. I just ended a 10 day streak last night. The urges are just to strong to control.
A part of me wants to have sex, I haven't had sex for 3 years now. I know many women that will have sex with me but if I read correctly, we must be married ... I don't want to get married so does that mean I can't have sex?
Also, a part of me wants to know if this is all true but then other part of wonders what if this is all false and it doesn't matter. I don't mean any disrespect, I'm here to learn but I wonder- if there's people out there having casual sex, orgies, etc as I'm writing this and others that are smoking weed, and who are happy - what's wrong with that?
Accepted Answer
The only way you will know what is true is through your own experience. Choose one of the practices taught in the books and use it every day for at least a month, then compare your state of mind before and after that month. My recommendation would be to use the exercise of Pisces, which begins today.
"Do not worry; cultivate the habit of being happy." - Samael Aun Weor
Accepted Answer
The only way you will know what is true is through your own experience. Choose one of the practices taught in the books and use it every day for at least a month, then compare your state of mind before and after that month. My recommendation would be to use the exercise of Pisces, which begins today.
"Do not worry; cultivate the habit of being happy." - Samael Aun Weor
Do I have to say it out loud? because I still live at home. Is it okay if I say it a low voice?
Also, is an hour necessary?
Also, is an hour necessary?
Quietly is perfectly fine. You can even do it entirely mentally, but this is difficult if you are just beginning in meditation. The most important thing is to be concentrated on what you are doing. If you want some practical tips for this, study this course: http://gnosticteachings.org/download/meditation-essentials-course.html
An hour is not "necessary" in the sense that if you only do 58 minutes you wont get any results. Doing the practice for an hour gives you time to relax into it and time to absorb the nourishment the exercise provides. You should do what you can, just be aware that five or ten minutes wont be able to thoroughly help you like an hour will.
An hour is not "necessary" in the sense that if you only do 58 minutes you wont get any results. Doing the practice for an hour gives you time to relax into it and time to absorb the nourishment the exercise provides. You should do what you can, just be aware that five or ten minutes wont be able to thoroughly help you like an hour will.
"Do not worry; cultivate the habit of being happy." - Samael Aun Weor
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