Sunday, 09 October 2016
  9 Replies
  331 Visits
Hi everyone,

Bear with me while I highlight a few points for discussion:

1. Normal sexuality: I was just reading about normal sexuality and it seems like something I have to attain to in order to transcend Infrasexuality. I daresay that the Ego has intervened whenever I have tried to take up a normal relationship with a woman I like, and nowadays I find myself feeling more worthless, jealous and negative than ever. I tell myself not to get disheartened, but in the face of such overwhelming karmic obstacles, I find myself losing hope with each day that passes.

2. Yearning for God: I am very ambitious for spiritual experiences and I desire that conscious contact with my inner Divinity or Atman of which all the great Masters have taught.

3. Fitting in: What is "normal" sexuality? In fact, what is a "normal" life? It would no doubt be difficult to characterise what a normal life is like, since this depends on our own capacities to live and work alongside others, our own individual propensities and talents. Still, I am tired of sitting on the sidelines and not really participating in life.

4. Fear: I notice that I am often driven by a fear-based mentality: fear of retribution from others, fear of divine punishment, fear of losing someone, fear of missing out.

5. Sanity: I often question my sanity, since I was diagnosed with delusions last year. This seems absurd given that the psychiatrists are themselves operating under the delusion of being faultlessly sane individuals, but then my delusions were recognisably abnormal and a product of a rapidly vacillating Superior "I". So, it is quite clear that something needs to be done.

I have received various pieces of helpful advice from various instructors on this message board, but I still don't know what exactly is wrong and how to solve it - how to change. It will no doubt take some hard work to achieve normal sexuality, to fulfil my yearning for God, conform to society, overcome fear, and achieve perfect sanity, but I am at a loss how to begin my spiritual practices. There is more than one prayer I can pray and more than one approach to meditation I can take. There is more than one woman I could be pursuing, and frankly I don't feel any particular affinity with one woman, though I would prefer to rekindle the relationship I initiated some six years ago. Unfortunately, this young lady has a boyfriend now and seems very happy with him, as though I never existed or made a difference in her life.

I feel the dire necessity for a total and drastic change and would like nothing more than to slay the "I" dead. Further help would be much appreciated, and if you instructors who have advised me in the past could expand on your suggestions and recommendations, that would be great.

Apologies if this all comes across as a bit pessimistic, I've not felt well recently due to these problems. I would really appreciate some advice, guidance and most of all encouragement on my way, and I offer my encouragement to my fellow students - you have done well to make it this far and I wish you all the very best in your Gnostic endeavours. Also many thanks to the instructors, who are working tirelessly with even the most seemingly hopeless of aspirants ;) and deserve to be commended on their unflagging efforts.

Regards,
Siloam.
6 years ago
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#12741
Accepted Answer
You may want to consider walking away from Gnosis now and becoming a Buddhist. For certain personalities Gnosis has the result of complicating their ego and little else. This will make it harder than ever to obliterate narcissism. It sounds like you have been on this forum for some time yet you speak of not knowing how to begin your practice. Do you get what I mean?
6 years ago
·
#12741
Accepted Answer
You may want to consider walking away from Gnosis now and becoming a Buddhist. For certain personalities Gnosis has the result of complicating their ego and little else. This will make it harder than ever to obliterate narcissism. It sounds like you have been on this forum for some time yet you speak of not knowing how to begin your practice. Do you get what I mean?
6 years ago
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#12743
I do, I do, thanks. I was reading that one may wish to become a member of some religion and maturing before even attempting to scale the heights of Gnosis. It sounds like you recommend Buddhism as suitable for someone of my temperament and capacities. I did not give much thought to this idea, but now that you have recommended it, it does make sense. No doubt my approach to Gnosis has been rather negative, with the results being just that.

I started with Sivananda's Practice of Brahmacharya some years ago and found it helpful. When I first discovered The Perfect Matrimony in 2011, it answered a lot of questions for me. I will conduct my own investigations into Buddhism unless you would like to recommend some preliminary reading material.

Thank you. :)
6 years ago
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#12770
Based on the foregoing, perhaps it is not reading that is at issue but practice. Direct access to a physical school with actual practices is a blessing indeed! The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. Whether one knows where they are going or not, the first step should be decisive. "Which is the right step?" one might ask. If one does not know where one is going, all steps are the same. Take any step, and make it decisive.
6 years ago
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#12775
Hm. Well, my first step is to leave Gnosis, since my approach to it was simply to exploit the teachings to my own self-aggrandisement. Obviously that is not helpful and it is a hindrance to all progress.

For certain personalities Gnosis has the result of complicating their ego and little else.


I am an Aries, and as such I am very warlike, competitive and ambitious, not to mention very proud. Your observation that I have a degree of narcissism was absolutely spot on. So I guess I am one of these personalities, but could you elaborate on who should avoid Gnosis and who should follow it, for the benefit of other readers of this thread?

Allow me to continue... For a long time I considered the teachings of Master Samael Aun Weor infallible and immune to misinterpretation, and therefore I considered them worth advertising to everyone who would listen, often to the point of alienating them completely.

Still, I don't think that receiving and reflecting on the Gnostic teachings has been a total waste: "There is a fruit in every labour, and a labour in every fruit."

But yes, you are quite right. The crux of my problem is falling behind in my Sadhana, with which I had such good success when following Sivananda's Practice of Brahmacharya (see link below).

I want to go back to being a celibate. This might sound like a step backward, but then I never really persisted with the practice of Brahmacharya to the point where I was well-established in holiness and chastity, and this is precisely what I would like to achieve.

In my Yogic practices, there was no question of how or what to pray - it was the repetition of the specific Mantra given to me by an Indian Guru. As for meditation, I am inclined to practise Meditation on Atman as outlined by Sivananda in his book "Conquest of Fear." (See link below.) He gives very specific instructions to would-be celibates and also provides advice on Brahmacharya in married life.

If you or any other instructors have anything further to add, I would be happy to hear it. Otherwise I will follow this post up with some closing remarks and expressions of gratitude, and then finally make the transition to Sivananda's school of Brahmacharya, having made this decision in good faith.

God bless you all.
6 years ago
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#12778
Peace Siloam!
6 years ago
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#12779
:) Peace to you too Aesclepius, and thanks for all your help.

Acknowledgements and closing remarks

I am grateful to the Lord for chastening me over the five years since I discovered The Perfect Matrimony, and to Samael Aun Weor for showing me the value of love. I still have a long way to go, but now I am confident, knowing that I am submitting myself again to a Yogic discipline that has netted me wonderful results in the past. I recommend Sivananda to anyone who cares to read his many books - some of the information therein is a bit outdated and obviously many of the Hatha Yoga poses he indicates are not suitable for Westerners on account of the composure of our bodies; but the bulk of his writings are priceless and well worth assimilating.

I encourage the Gnostic students to continue with their practices and not to give up no matter how hard things may get... and many thanks to the Gnostic instructors for guiding them and myself over the years.

Farewell, kind regards, and hail the Divine Mother!
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