I would like to ask. Does comprehending cause and affect i.e. the harm the action causes; can that amount to the elimination of an <a href="/faqs/psychology/1761-what-is-ego.html" title="In spiritual tradition, "ego" refers to psychological defects" target="_parent" >ego</a>?
I ask this more so in relation to lust.
Sorry this may be quite long but it is a sort of testimonial of my own continuing struggle against lust and also what has helped me the most to overcome the barriers and temptations
I remember I heard a lecture that explained that we should cognizantly understand the harm of our actions. I applied this to myself in relation to lust and it has transformed my life radically.
I used to waste huge amounts of time on pornography. I would sit there from about six ‘O’ up to hours after midnight. I wouldn’t masturbate and have the <a href="/faqs/sex/1671-what-is-orgasm.html" title="Few know what the orgasm actually is." target="_parent" >orgasm</a> but would just sit there going from one video to the next in a fascinated trace. Then once I would eventually pull myself away from the pornography I would go to bed and get caught up in lustful imagination. This would happen maybe on average once every two weeks or more.
I would always get roped in with the same excuses and deception i.e. I’m learning to transform impressions, maybe my being is doing it to toughen me up and tech me something. It’s quite laughable as I look back now at these whimsical excuses but in terms of effect of actions it was no laughing mater.
These lustful sessions had allot of payback and they were effectively crippling for several days afterwards. I mean really crippling. The damage and sheer depletion that that stuff did to me was unspeakable.
You can guess that if that abuse is going on in front of the computer screen it is also going on in daily life, especially in the library were ironically I was supposed studying books about gnosis. It did get some good studying done although.
After these sort of events I would know that I did something wrong and I would know that I damaged myself but eventually sometime down the line I would slowly get pulled back in. But why? Because there was no cognizance of the harm of that action.
I thought that even though it wasn’t the <a href="/faqs/sex/1671-what-is-orgasm.html" title="Few know what the orgasm actually is." target="_parent" >orgasm</a> I wasn’t that bad but it near enough was. Through these activities we are wasting our spiritual force that we can use for this work.
I made a vow at New Year to say no more pornography which I broke in more or less a few days. I kept it for a while but then in early February I broke it again. I fell for the same excuses and lies and desires and fell into the lustful pit of filth.
This time was different. I remember a few days later after the abuses of pornography and lustful imagination being a complete wreck and trying to transmute my energy. I was doing this and nothing was happening. I was confused.
As I continued something that felt like comprehension arose, it was not quite words but more of an understanding. It said we are going to make you impotent for a while; you’ll have no energy until you understand the abuse of your actions.
That was not to pleasing to say the least but I accepted the offer. I went into the library and booked one of the studied carrel’s which are like some sealed of cabins. I sat there and tried to read a book on gnosis but to no avail. I didn’t have to energy to even concentrate and read a book.
I complained about my suffering and though of a way to get more energy. Through all this complaining I realized that instead I should just look at my suffering instead, to just look the harm of my actions in the face. I sat there in that Cabin maybe for about an hour. I didn’t think about it or this or that, because of such and such or whatever but just cognizantly inquired into my organism, into my heart, into my mind, into my <a href="/faqs/psychology/1720-what-is-consciousness.html" title="Consciousness is the basis of perception" target="_parent" >Consciousness</a> and the pain and suffering I felt. I didn’t exert and stress to comprehend or label it with any term but cognizantly inquired into the suffering.
I was patient and kept coming back to that inquiry into myself. I naturally and cognizantly inquired into my suffering and eventually spontaneous flashes of cognizant comprehension began to arise. Of course intellectual you knew ok this is suffering it is no good etc but that understanding was not cognizant, it was not of perception, it was not in the <a href="/faqs/psychology/1720-what-is-consciousness.html" title="Consciousness is the basis of perception" target="_parent" >Consciousness</a>.
So continuing to patient inquire and observe myself, I would get that shock, what am I doing, this is painful, why am I destroying myself this. This action is harmful. I was suddenly starting to see with cognizance the harm of my actions.
This was good I felt a bit better but after that I continued this cognizant inquiry and had the same sort of understanding arise afterwards.
What I noticed was that this absolutely changed me radically. For one I stopped looking at pornography, it has been cut out, completely. This has lasted for three months and will continue to do so. Understanding that suffering has also caused me to stop leering at people in the library and in the street. The old lustful imagination has been kicked out of bed to the dismay of the succubus’s.
This happened about three months ago and it has changed me radically. I made several requests to my divine mother at New Year which I made a post here about. One of those requests was to develop a very strong <a href="/faqs/sex/1664-what-is-chastity.html" title="Chastity means " target="_parent" >Chastity</a>. So it is due to her help that this has happened. But in the last three months I have changed radically. You realize how much harm these activities really cause us and prevent us from enjoying life.
Ive also done this with other activities as well i.e. learning in the street, after nocturnal emissions, after eating certain types of food etc. the trick is to be cognizant and not be figetting with the intellect and be patienmt and iquire into how it effects us.
Also this renunciation has even reached dreams. Were leering would be renounced and nocturnal emissions would be prevented. Also orgasms would be halted by holding the breathe. This isn’t all the time but it is quite considerable.
So that’s the point if we ever do make a mistake i.e. lustful abuse leering, pornography, nocturnal emissions or even anger or anything like that it is effective to inquire into that because it brings allot of maturity and strength of will.
Does comprehending cause and affect i.e. the harm the action causes; can that amount to the elimination of an <a href="/faqs/psychology/1761-what-is-ego.html" title="In spiritual tradition, "ego" refers to psychological defects" target="_parent" >ego</a>?
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