As we all know, praxis often differs greatly from theory, and what one has established so far in understanding (of mind and soul) can be turned head first into hell when touched by a foreign spirit. Such will not be known until experienced.
Given the case one has been in these teachings for a while and then meets a master. The master is not Gnostic, however, seems to be intriguingly masterful. The master happens to have a crush on one and talks a lot about unconditional love, and teaches rituals meant to connect with the inner Self and the Divine. One, too, starts loving that master not only platonically but romantically and, in the course of time, engages to the fullest – believing that there is a deep spiritual and soul connection, in other words: the soul mate.
Then the master turns out to be a black magician … or what is called “grey” which is to connect light and darkness. One has not recognized this orientation in time.
Since beforehand one had asked the Divine Mother for an ordeal to proof oneself and to move on in the path, so the ordeal came. While in the ordeal, one has relied on divine guidance, but despite all prudence one has failed. This means that one became convinced where one should have been convincing. One has been decapitated and then crowned anew by the master, but not for what one formerly thought was holy and right. One recognizes this fact not until it is too late when already engaged mentally, emotionally and sexually. One is thus “married before God” as you would say, with a black magician.
What would be your remedy? How to go on living with such a dilemma or how to get out of it? If one has united in heart, mind, soul and body to someone, isn’t one to be faithful and true? And wouldn’t this in turn lead to sexual energy being used for black purposes … or at least grey?
If you happen to know how to exit the game … let me know. But most likely you will say: Bear your Karma with humility. The one typing this cannot think of another option. One isn’t even sure who is asking.
Connection to Innermost seems to be cut off now.
In theory, everything seems to be clear. But reality is different. So this is a totally practical question. Please answer practically if possible.
Given the case one has been in these teachings for a while and then meets a master. The master is not Gnostic, however, seems to be intriguingly masterful. The master happens to have a crush on one and talks a lot about unconditional love, and teaches rituals meant to connect with the inner Self and the Divine. One, too, starts loving that master not only platonically but romantically and, in the course of time, engages to the fullest – believing that there is a deep spiritual and soul connection, in other words: the soul mate.
Then the master turns out to be a black magician … or what is called “grey” which is to connect light and darkness. One has not recognized this orientation in time.
Since beforehand one had asked the Divine Mother for an ordeal to proof oneself and to move on in the path, so the ordeal came. While in the ordeal, one has relied on divine guidance, but despite all prudence one has failed. This means that one became convinced where one should have been convincing. One has been decapitated and then crowned anew by the master, but not for what one formerly thought was holy and right. One recognizes this fact not until it is too late when already engaged mentally, emotionally and sexually. One is thus “married before God” as you would say, with a black magician.
What would be your remedy? How to go on living with such a dilemma or how to get out of it? If one has united in heart, mind, soul and body to someone, isn’t one to be faithful and true? And wouldn’t this in turn lead to sexual energy being used for black purposes … or at least grey?
If you happen to know how to exit the game … let me know. But most likely you will say: Bear your Karma with humility. The one typing this cannot think of another option. One isn’t even sure who is asking.
Connection to Innermost seems to be cut off now.
In theory, everything seems to be clear. But reality is different. So this is a totally practical question. Please answer practically if possible.
Accepted Answer
Christ, the Lamb, washes away the sins of the world. Remember that a superior law always washes away an inferior law. Therefore the solution is to meditate, pray, and transmute until finding a suitable partner (before God) so as to work intensely with the blood and fire of the Lamb.
Joyful in hope, suffering in tribulation, be thou constant in thy prayer.
Benedictis, qui venit in nomine Domini. Osanna in excelsis.
"Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord. Hosanna in the highest!"
Accepted Answer
Christ, the Lamb, washes away the sins of the world. Remember that a superior law always washes away an inferior law. Therefore the solution is to meditate, pray, and transmute until finding a suitable partner (before God) so as to work intensely with the blood and fire of the Lamb.
Joyful in hope, suffering in tribulation, be thou constant in thy prayer.
Benedictis, qui venit in nomine Domini. Osanna in excelsis.
"Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord. Hosanna in the highest!"
Thank you for consolation. Lamentably at the moment meditation, prayer and transmutation don’t help, no matter how hard I try. They have only led me to the situation I am now in. Years of spiritual effort and chastity … and then one is led into great confusion and darkness. Maybe one was better off not knowing anything of sin. Life was fun and happy then, although sometimes sad and disappointing, just the usual waves of up and down. Along with this path life has become serious, full of straining discipline, a struggle against thoughts and emotions, a restraint of the most vital impulses, a chronic lack of joy – always ready to suffer voluntarily for the hoped-for light that will one day come into ones presence. Now, shall this be the fruit? Does the Divine guide one into temptation or into an ordeal, only to then leave one alone? I am rather despaired.
By all this one comes to realize that Lucifer indeed constitutes a part of the own Inner Being. Not just his adversary.
Given one has failed in such a crucial situation it feels like being a hopeless case. After the vow once given to the Divine Mother is broken, for reason of the Mother and in the professed name of the Mother, would there be any hope for a new chance?
That master is my beloved, it is impossible to stop love. However, we are not legally married. Unconditional love in the view of that master shall be without bondage. Marriage and commitment become chains to Love, or will be no other than conditioned love, therefore the master avoids commitment to any earthly being or thing. The only commitment is to the Divine. Such master claims to be beyond good and evil, which is to unite light and darkness. In these teachings we know that high levels of development do exist where a master acts according to superior laws than the Deuteronomy known by us, and no one else can tell anymore: Is it good or is it evil how that master speaks and acts?
You, too, mentioned the superior law – is it possible that my confusion comes from adherence to the inferior law?
What happens is that I am confronted with someone who radiates conscious light and shining darkness at the same time. This is frightening and horrifying although full of beauty all in one. The great question now is whether it would be safe to continue the relationship or should one better abandon it, especially as it implies to work with alchemy in a way not simply white-white as taught here.
This is exactly the case of that master.
By all this one comes to realize that Lucifer indeed constitutes a part of the own Inner Being. Not just his adversary.
Given one has failed in such a crucial situation it feels like being a hopeless case. After the vow once given to the Divine Mother is broken, for reason of the Mother and in the professed name of the Mother, would there be any hope for a new chance?
That master is my beloved, it is impossible to stop love. However, we are not legally married. Unconditional love in the view of that master shall be without bondage. Marriage and commitment become chains to Love, or will be no other than conditioned love, therefore the master avoids commitment to any earthly being or thing. The only commitment is to the Divine. Such master claims to be beyond good and evil, which is to unite light and darkness. In these teachings we know that high levels of development do exist where a master acts according to superior laws than the Deuteronomy known by us, and no one else can tell anymore: Is it good or is it evil how that master speaks and acts?
You, too, mentioned the superior law – is it possible that my confusion comes from adherence to the inferior law?
What happens is that I am confronted with someone who radiates conscious light and shining darkness at the same time. This is frightening and horrifying although full of beauty all in one. The great question now is whether it would be safe to continue the relationship or should one better abandon it, especially as it implies to work with alchemy in a way not simply white-white as taught here.
If someone has the Arcanum 18 as their inner urgency or fundamental key note … it could imply that they have a strong relationship with black magic in the past. It could also mean they need to work with the two 9’s in order to become a perfect 9. That is a deep mystery, but only that person will be able to grasp with a lot of work on themselves.
This is exactly the case of that master.
Anyone with direct experience or observation of a situation like this would be willing to share their insights?
Thank you for consolation. Lamentably at the moment meditation, prayer and transmutation don’t help, no matter how hard I try. They have only led me to the situation I am now in.Samael Aun Weor wrote:
As I have stated in my Treatise of Revolutionary Psychology, experience teaches us that if our Gnostic esoteric work is negative, it is due to our own fault. -The Revolution of the Dialectic, "The Transformation of Impressions"The methods are not to blame. It is your application of them.
As for having a relationship with someone without being legally married, marital documentation is irrelevant. Sexual union constitutes marriage. As for what you must do in your particular case, I invite you to reflect upon and contemplate the following chapter from The Perfect Matrimony, "Love."
Joyful in hope, suffering in tribulation, be thou constant in thy prayer.
Benedictis, qui venit in nomine Domini. Osanna in excelsis.
"Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord. Hosanna in the highest!"
Hello Benedictus. Yes, the “Love” chapter of the Perfect Matrimony is great and it has been precisely what brought me to these teachings and made them valuable for me. 
This limited spark of eye-conditioned consciousness called “I” typing here and asking for help, has read that particular chapter again and again, contemplated it, translated it into my language, and reflected upon it for years. Actually it was what made me realize that the love I am experiencing is a love beyond good and evil.
So I know that in this tradition marriage is put into effect when sexual union is performed. Inasmuch neither this love nor the fact that I am “married before God” is questioned here. I thought I had expressed that clearly. The view of marriage being a bondage is not my personal vision but the one of my beloved, it was given as an example so you can have a better picture what kind of mastery that may be (… as I am not sure any more). I understand your time is limited, so thank you for trying, however please do not be mechanical in your responses, if possible. Those kinds of hints have been given hundreds of times here, I know them by heart.
My question comes from a different angle. Let me put it this way:
Assuming that at a given moment in our spiritual life Lucifer decides it is now time to test us. He hears our prayers to the Divine, and he also knows our deepest desires. Perhaps he asks the Innermost: Can I? May I? -- What if the Innermost agrees? Is Lucifer able to take a tunic of skin and come to us in the cloth of our beloved? Can he externally appear as the person we love with all our heart? By this I don’t mean he masquerades as the person, but rather that the person themselves starts to play Lucifer’s role?
When Lucifer wants to test us, can he even interfere in our dialog with the Innermost and answer in His place, so we think it is Him while really it is His shadow?
Can we ever, ever be sure who is the one guiding us?
Maybe. I won’t argue about that. Methods may work well for someone while for another they don’t. Not one of us is alike. Many students try to their best, some of whom receive results and others face tremendous obstacles. It is like in sports, some will be successful others just won’t. You may say try and keep going. While doing your best in walking this path, have you never been confronted with a situation you were not able to deal with, where you feel that the very path itself has led you into hell’s kitchen but you don’t have enough clarity and know-how to handle it properly?
Isn’t that the very reason why it is called the razors edge? If a storm comes up, it can take you either side.
With all due respect, have you ever looked into the mirror after the act of sexual magic and felt horrified by your face because you see someone else watching out of the familiar features? If you have not, I hope you never will. It is extremely scary. Could this perhaps be called a glimpse of a negative awakening?
And isn’t everything we observe outside really happening inside?
Maybe “I” am looking into my own devil’s “eye” and God doesn’t answer my prayers anymore because He sent His shadow to thrill me and to shake me up.
If someone has experienced that kind of confusion, please help. I am not looking to blame the teachings or to be blamed by them. Karma is exact and just like mathematics. I’m looking for a little help so I can understand what happened to me and what I am really in. Even if in truth there is no “me” no “I” but only consciousness in different contractions and conditions, it would be good to find some orientation. I have read a hundred times that the true answer can be found in meditation. This is exactly what I am longing for but have you known the darkness that comes about you after committing something which is contrary to your comprehension, just because someone with a great charisma and love for humanity convinced you of it, and afterwards you are not sure any more whether you did good or bad?
Please tell me (if you can): Do you know such masters that are of an ambivalent light, brilliant, holy and dark at the same time? How can one consider love and handle love when love decides to love such an ambiguous one? Isn’t that like falling in love with one’s own Lucifer found in the outside world?
This limited spark of eye-conditioned consciousness called “I” typing here and asking for help, has read that particular chapter again and again, contemplated it, translated it into my language, and reflected upon it for years. Actually it was what made me realize that the love I am experiencing is a love beyond good and evil. So I know that in this tradition marriage is put into effect when sexual union is performed. Inasmuch neither this love nor the fact that I am “married before God” is questioned here. I thought I had expressed that clearly. The view of marriage being a bondage is not my personal vision but the one of my beloved, it was given as an example so you can have a better picture what kind of mastery that may be (… as I am not sure any more). I understand your time is limited, so thank you for trying, however please do not be mechanical in your responses, if possible. Those kinds of hints have been given hundreds of times here, I know them by heart.
My question comes from a different angle. Let me put it this way:
Assuming that at a given moment in our spiritual life Lucifer decides it is now time to test us. He hears our prayers to the Divine, and he also knows our deepest desires. Perhaps he asks the Innermost: Can I? May I? -- What if the Innermost agrees? Is Lucifer able to take a tunic of skin and come to us in the cloth of our beloved? Can he externally appear as the person we love with all our heart? By this I don’t mean he masquerades as the person, but rather that the person themselves starts to play Lucifer’s role?
When Lucifer wants to test us, can he even interfere in our dialog with the Innermost and answer in His place, so we think it is Him while really it is His shadow?
Can we ever, ever be sure who is the one guiding us?
The methods are not to blame. It is your application of them.
Maybe. I won’t argue about that. Methods may work well for someone while for another they don’t. Not one of us is alike. Many students try to their best, some of whom receive results and others face tremendous obstacles. It is like in sports, some will be successful others just won’t. You may say try and keep going. While doing your best in walking this path, have you never been confronted with a situation you were not able to deal with, where you feel that the very path itself has led you into hell’s kitchen but you don’t have enough clarity and know-how to handle it properly?
Isn’t that the very reason why it is called the razors edge? If a storm comes up, it can take you either side.
With all due respect, have you ever looked into the mirror after the act of sexual magic and felt horrified by your face because you see someone else watching out of the familiar features? If you have not, I hope you never will. It is extremely scary. Could this perhaps be called a glimpse of a negative awakening?
And isn’t everything we observe outside really happening inside?
Maybe “I” am looking into my own devil’s “eye” and God doesn’t answer my prayers anymore because He sent His shadow to thrill me and to shake me up.
If someone has experienced that kind of confusion, please help. I am not looking to blame the teachings or to be blamed by them. Karma is exact and just like mathematics. I’m looking for a little help so I can understand what happened to me and what I am really in. Even if in truth there is no “me” no “I” but only consciousness in different contractions and conditions, it would be good to find some orientation. I have read a hundred times that the true answer can be found in meditation. This is exactly what I am longing for but have you known the darkness that comes about you after committing something which is contrary to your comprehension, just because someone with a great charisma and love for humanity convinced you of it, and afterwards you are not sure any more whether you did good or bad?
Please tell me (if you can): Do you know such masters that are of an ambivalent light, brilliant, holy and dark at the same time? How can one consider love and handle love when love decides to love such an ambiguous one? Isn’t that like falling in love with one’s own Lucifer found in the outside world?
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